Funny …. Avation Dictionary

■ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off

■ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.

■BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.

■BI-PLANE: What you’ll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up

■CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by fuel exhaustion.

■”CLEAR”: Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.

■CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can’t hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centres

■CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.

■CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.

■DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.

■DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.

■ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.

■FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and smoke to fill the cockpit.

■GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from your present position to the nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.

■GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.

■HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.

■RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with air.

■WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.

■LANDING FLAP: A 4000′ roll out on a 3000′ runway.